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What if my spouse is turning our children against me?
March 12, 2020
Parental alienation has a huge impact on child custody cases
The New York courts considers parental alienation in its decision as to which parent shall obtain custody over children. When a quart feels that a child is refusing to have any relationship whatsoever with the other parent a quart then explores reasons as to why that is happening. In the absence of and fitness or abuse it is not unreasonable to imagine that parental alienation is occurring. The courts take parental alienation very seriously. The concept of parental alienation is not straightforward and at one time was discredited. However, the term parental alienation is seeing a comeback in the courts and has found new scientific legs upon which to support the theory.
If, for no apparent reason, your child is no longer talking to you or is expressing hatred towards you, the chances are the other parent could be saying bad things about you to the child. In other words, the child is merely mirroring that parent’s hatred of the other parent. Parental alienation often occurs in the middle of a divorce case. However, it can also occur under other circumstances. If children are around too many negative statements made by one parent about the other parent, they experience something called parental alienation. There are experts in the field who can ascertain whether the child is being alienated against one parent. For instance, when a child displays anger and fear not grounded in any rational basis these feelings of anger are usually planted in the head of the child by the opposite parent. This psychological twisting of a child is detrimental to the child and his or her family relationships because children try to trust and need to rely upon both parents in order to develop in a healthy manner, but when one parent poisons the child against the other parent it is not only detrimental to the child but it can also have dire consequences on the injuring party's case.
It unjustifiably causes the child to have negative feelings toward the aggrieved parent. An example of parental alienation is when a parent blames the other parent by having an adult conversation with the child as to the finances of the parties and why they cannot longer enjoy certain activities they used to enjoy prior to the divorce, y blaming the child’s lack of enjoyment of said activities on the fact that the other parent is the bad guy. Sometimes this happens purposefully and many times I see it happen unintentionally, but it can happen nevertheless and should be voided in any New York Custody case. Any good Manhattan Custody lawyer will warn against it and will be on the lookout for it. There is a lot of case law that developed in the state of New York that deals with parental alienation. One of the￼ accepted principles of law is called interference with the noncustodial parent's relationship with the child. If the court finds that one spouse has intentionally interfered with the relationship of the child and the noncustodial parent, the court finds that that parent is per se unfit to parent. You can imagine the consequences of this in a custody case that goes to trial. The lesson from all of this to be learned is do not speak badly about the other parent in front of your child. If you need to speak badly about your spouse, hire a therapist to vent or speak to a friend or another adult.￼￼￼ Involving a child in your divorce and financial problems is the worst possible thing you can do for your child and will likely have negative consequences in your case.
If you feel that your spouse has alienated your child against you, then argue in court that you have been the victim of intentional alienation and that as a result your spouse should not be awarded custody. It is a very strong case, but it’s also a difficult one to prove without expert testimony. If you suspect that you are a victim of parental alienation, then ask your attorney to request the appointment of an attorney for the child and forensic evaluations of the￼ parties. After all parties and the children have been interviewed, if the forensic evaluator feels there are sufficient facts for showing a parental alienation, this factor will play a large role in what the judge will do in your New York custody case.
By: New York divorce lawyer Lisa Beth Older